I intend to disappear for a very, very, very, very, as a matter of fact, an extremely long time. This place is filled with people who don’t care what happens to others. When I’m so intent on freeing others I must be trying to free some part of myself too. I came here to forget myself. I had the illusion that if I engaged in impersonal activities, I would get rid of myself somewhere. It disturbs me so much to think that perhaps my apparently impersonal activities actually represent a personal drama in which I myself is involved. That I am merely re-enacting my intimate drama through others, expressing it through others. I feel I have failed to escape from myself. Yet I have known all along that I failed in some way. Because I should have been content, alive, as people are when they give themselves. Instead I have often felt like a depersonalized ghost, a man without a self, a zombie. It is not a good feeling. It’s like the old stories about the man who lost his shadow. 

Okay 
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